Inappropriate Kids Books That Actually Exist.
Number One: If a Peacock Finds a Pot Leaf Well,
I guess that’s one way to explain why he sees so many pretty colors.
Number Two: “Poor Pussy” Game
Whatever happened to “Duck, Duck, Goose?” Surprisingly, this is a very real game that kids (and adults) played at one time.
Number Three: Go the F**k to Sleep
A truly heartwarming story. Narrated by Samuel L. Jackson!
Number Four: The Muffin Muncher
Brought to you by someone who has never checked out Urban Dictionary.
Number Five: The Night Dad Went to Jail
A book I hope you never have to read to your kiddos.
Number Six: My Big Sister Takes Drugs
And appears to be stuck in the ’80s, but I suppose that fashion is the least of their problems.
Number Seven: Who Cares About Elderly People?
I’m sure the inside conveys a valuable lesson about respecting our elders, but really? And why is the dog on the teeter-totter? So many questions with this one.
Number Eight: The Long Journey of Mister Poop
The most disturbing thing would have to be the “Yum” down there in the corner.
Number Nine: Peeping George
This George was a little too curious and soon found himself serving 8-10 years.
Number Ten: Little Monkey’s Big Peeing Circus
Right…I’m sure this won’t give kids any ideas.
Number Eleven: Cooking with Pooh
If they had only added “Bear” to the end of the title, this might have sounded a bit more appealing.
Number Twelve: That’s Not Your Mommy Anymore
There’s nothing like the zombie apocalypse to traumatize your children for life.
Number Thirteen: What Me In?!
Okay, we’re cheating just a little bit here, but the placement of that sticker makes this zebra appear to be a dominatrix of sorts. Would that be 50 Shades of Black and White?
Number Fourteen: Suck It
He’s king of the jungle, and apparently he’s prepared to abuse that power.
Number Fifteen: Monsters Eat Whiny Children
But hipster monsters only eat organic, gluten-free whiny children, so a few of you are safe.
Number Sixteen: Just add love to make that crack house a crack home.
Number Seventeen: I’m sure that won’t raise any questions, as long as every animal these children come in contact with is constantly emptying their bladders.
Number Eighteen: No reason to beat around the bush with this one (and yes, pun totally intended).
Number Nineteen: Well, I suppose that is true.
Number Twenty: I’m thinking “marvelous” and “measles” aren’t two words that I would normally put together. Then again, she does look pretty excited…
Number Twenty-One: First of all, why is this an illustrated book with animals talking about lovers? Second…what?
Number Twenty-Two: I’m just going to leave this one alone…
Number Twenty-Three: Adam Mansbach’s follow-up to his best-selling book Go The F**k to Sleep is just as irreverent as its predecessor. It’s also something that every single parent EVER has thought at least a million times.
Number Twenty-Four: The answer is yes, he will…for about fifteen seconds. Then he’ll want another cookie. It’s a vicious cycle, folks.
Number Twenty-Five: I’m not sure what kind of “games” they’re referring to, but I’m pretty sure they have no place in a book for children.
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